Stop Alien Abductions

Don't you hate it when your woken up in the middle of the night, alone and paralyzed? You're trying to mind your own business and get back to that dream you were having, the one with Pamela Anderson in a clown suit, when all of a sudden these little green guys barge in and take you away. And as we all know, they have only one goal: Anal Probe.

Well, now there's a solution:



Wear this hat. No doubt it makes you look so ridiculous that even the aliens won't want to get to know your privates.

Read what this happy customer had to say:

"Since trying Michael Menkin's Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own. I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society. My life is better than ever before. Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity."
- Jon Locke

And from the instructions page we can read the following warning:

Aliens Taking Helmets

Keep the thought screen helmet in the safest possible place when you are not wearing it. In Kentucky, one thought screen helmet was taken from a box that was in a closet. The abductee had dental work and could not wear it. She thought she put the helmet in a safe place. Additionally, four other thought screen helmets were taken by aliens when they were not being worn, two in Virginia, one in upper New York state, and one in Brisbane, Australia.

Stop Alien Abductions