Think by Lizz Shepherd

Darcy couldn’t think about it. Just no, she couldn’t think about it. But telling herself not to think about it just made her think about it. There’s no good way to think about it, she thought. She began to clear the table, wondering as she had all day why she was doing any of it. There was no reason to clear the table, to make dinner, to eat lunch, to sort laundry… There was absolutely no point.

She put all the dishes in the dishwasher, going slowly, trying to concentrate on the dishes. Her husband, Ryan, was still in shock, sitting on the couch in the adjoining living room and staring, wide-eyed, at nothing. But, she could do dishes. She could even sweep up. TV. After dinner they always watched TV.

She went into the living room and sat in her normal seat on the couch. Ryan was staring, his eyes open for too long, eyes watering and glassy. There was no reason to try to make him feel better, but she had to not think. Every once in a while, the image of a huge rock, tumbling, turning over and over again, went through her mind, and she got right back to her usual routine. It was just like any other night. No thinking. Just another night.

She put her hand on Ryan’s and spoke calming words to him. But talking to him too much would make her think about it. Anything, anything not to think. She kept her hand on his and hummed to herself as she changed channels. Most stations were off the air at this point, but a few were on, with news anchors who looked much like Ryan, eyes wide and blank expressions on their faces. No. That would make her think.

There was a reality show on one of the working channels. It was stupid enough to watch, though her mind started wandering. What would the future be for these characters? Oh yeah, no future. Where were they now, and what were they doing? It doesn’t matter. Just focus on what they’re doing and take a sip of diet soda. But, why diet? What could it possibly matter?

She walked into the kitchen, thinking that she might as well find any forbidden foods and eat them for a while. She couldn’t find much. Making food didn’t matter anymore. She never had to eat again. She saw an old tube of cookie dough and grabbed it. She could eat the whole thing if she wanted. It’s not like I’ll get e. coli, she thought to herself and then began to laugh. She laughed hard, her eyes welling up as she laughed, unwilling to stop. Stopping would mean thinking.

Ryan turned to her, still with no expression. She calmed herself, holding his hand again and watching the reality show. There were things she always wanted to learn about, but it was too late now. There were placed she’d wanted to travel, but it was far too late. With one day of notice, there was little she could do. But dishes could get done. TV could be watched. Hands could be held. It was three hours away now.

She accidentally thought for a few moments, wondering what would happen just before midnight on the very last day. When it hit, she would be somewhere else. She knew there was somewhere else that souls went, but where? What would things be like in just three hours’ time? Would she and Ryan be together? She looked at him, but he couldn’t see her, she knew.

Too much thinking. No reason to think. No reason to talk. No reason to be. She held his hand and watched TV, keeping her eyes away from the clock on the wall. She would only watch TV like normal, just taking it in and not thinking. Never thinking again.

—

Lizz Shepherd is a freelance writer living in Alabama.